BACKGROUND Longborough is three miles from Stow-on-the Wold, in Gloucestershire.
This play is very similar to “The Stony Play”, and is in fact the original play which we adapted for our own needs. As with all the plays we have performed, slight alterations have been made to the original text, and the odd extra characters added to accommodate people who wanted to take
Headman – Prince George – Bold Slasher The Turkish Knight – Doctor – Jack Finney – Lame Jane – The Drummer – Beelzebub – Hump Backed Jack
All enter Singing “Old Woman Tossed Up”
Oh there was an old woman tossed up in a blanket
99 miles beyond the moon
And under one arm she carried a basket
And under the other she carried a broom
Old Woman old woman old woman cried I
Oh wither Oh wither Oh wither so high
I’m going to sweep cobwebs beyond the sky
And I’ll be back with you bye and bye
Room, a room, brave gallants all, tis once that on you I do call
A room , a room, a douse a douse, I’ve bought me besom to sweep your house
I’ll sweep you’re house so clane so dace so hansom nice
Here’s a party coming here tonight, so please let’um have a light
A room, a room, brave gentlemen and ladies, give me room to sport
That in this house we may resort, resort our merry play
Step in Bold Slasher and clear the way
I am Bold Slasher, Bold Slasher is my name, with sword and buckler by my side
I hope to win the game
I am the Turkey Champion, from Turkey land I came
I’m come to fight the English Champion, Prince George is called his name
I’ll cut him and I’ll slash him as small as little flies
I’ll send him to the devil till he’s nine days old
I am Prince George this noble night, I shed my blood for England’s right
Here I walk and here I stand, here I take my sword in hand
So do to God guard your life, sir
What do you say to your life sir?
Pound of bread and cheese and a knife sir
We’ll have a little more satisfaction before we die, sir
All right, sir
Bold Slasher strikes Prince George down
On this battlefield Prince George was slain, rise bold fellow and fight
Prince George fights and falls again
Horrible, terrible, what hast thou done? Thou hast killed my only dearly
Is there a doctor to be found to cure him of his deep and deadly wound?
Yes: here is a doctor to be found to cure him of his deep and deadly wound
Where does this noble doctor come from?]
Where the streets are pitched with penny loaves and the house a thatched with pancakes
Very fine place that. How much will this noble doctor come for? come for £5?
What’ll you come for then?
Five pence three farthings (to Jack Finney) Give a leg on my horse Jack
Get on yourself sir
What’s that Jack?
Hold my horse Jack
Hold him yourself , sir
Take him out and rub him down with the besom stick. And sup him up with a rack-staff and get him ready gem I want him. I’m a doctor, a doctor’s good. With my hand I can stop the blood. I’m not one of these yer shimshams goes about to do their country harm I does my country good. Rather kill nor cure
What’s the matter with this young man? Got the toothache?
How long has this tooth pained you?
Fortnight afore I found of it and three weeks since
Here young man take one of my pills – cure all ills
Hips, Pips, Palsy and Gout, Pains within and pains without
If the devils in this will fetch him out
Does any man do more than me?
Let Jack Finney come in and see.
The Headman calls Jack Finney
My names not Jack Finney. It’s Mr. Finney, a man of great pains.
Do more than you or are a man at this game.
I’ll cure this man if he isn’t quite stone dead.
So I prays thee old fellow raise up thee head.
I cured a magpie once of the toothache.
How did you do that?
Cut his head off and throwed his body into the ditch
Oh you cruel barbarous fellow
I’m no cruel barbarous fellow at all.
Bring me a woman as been dead ninety nine years, nine years led in her grave
I’m bound to maintain her rest part of her life.
Allow me to draw your tooth, young man
Fetch me my tooth drawing tack Jack
Fetch it yourself sir
The doctor hits Jack with a whip
I’m going as fast as I can, sir
Hold me up Jack
Tumble down if you can’t stand up
What’s that Jack.
(Jack makes no reply. The doctor pulls the tooth out.)
Look here, gentlemen and ladies, a tooth for a Christian. More like a camels tooth or an elephant’s tooth than any poor Christian’s Carry a quart of beans twenty miles over hedges and ditches without spilling the corn. I went down a long lane, a short lane, a narrow lane, a wide lane, and Icome to a house built with apple dumplings and thatched with pancakes. I knocked at the maid and the door came out. I called for a glass of bread and cheese and a crust of water. I met a bark and he dogged at me. I went to a stick and cut a hedge, fetched him a rattler on the napper and the spin did blood out.
This is a case that we’ve seen before, rise Prince George and we’ll fight no more
In comes I the drummer with all his heart.
I hope the Doctor and Jack Finney have done their part.
And with free good will.
I’ve brought me music to play you still.
My father have killed two very fat hogs
And that you may plainly see
For I’ve got one of the skins to make me
A Ruba duba, duba duba, duba duba dee.
HUMP BACKED JACK
Here comes I old Hump-backed Jack
With me wife and family at me back
Here comes I that’s never been in it
With me big head and little wit
Me heads so big, me wits so small
I’ve brought me fiddle to please you all.
My father was a shopkeeper, that you can plainly see
He left me this old tin canister to make me a hurdy gurdy gee
SONG: The Holly and the Ivy
In comes I old beelzebub
Who on my shoulder I carry my club
In me hand me dripping pan. Jukes, gentlemen and ladies
Don’t you think I’m a clever young old man?
Last Christmas eve I turned me spit
I burnt me finger and haven’t found on’t it.
Spark fled over the table, pot lid whacked the ladle
Lep jumps the gridiron ‘What! can’t you agree?
I’m the judge bring him to me”.
In runs the frying pan with his long tail
And swore he’d send them all to jail.
In comes I Lame Jane
with a neck as long as a crane.
Once I was a young maid
Now I’m a down old widow.
A wig behind and a wig before.
Ware out my lads
And I’ll sweep the floor.
Once I was dead and now I am alive, blessed be the doctor who made me revive
We all shake hands never fight no more, all be brothers as we never was before
We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy bright new year
A pocket full of money and a cellar full of beer
And a good fat pig in the pigsty to last you all the year
All sing “Christmas is Coming” during which the collection takes place.